Holy Unrest

In November of 2012 God hit me with a case of holy unrest. It's the only way I know how to describe what I was going through at the time. I was working with the youth group and enjoying my time there. I was frustrated at the time with some of the progress that wasn't happening the way I wanted it to happen, and yet I was also settling into the a routine there that was very comfortable for me. It was around the time of Thanksgiving that this anxiety hit me. I couldn't sleep and my mind just kept racing. "Is this the right place for you?" kept running through my mind. It was like I was slowly being pushed to jump off a cliff into the water of the unknown. God was moving me, and I was anxious. He wanted me to move to his next plan for me. It was an unrest with my soul that I couldn't escape unless I started making real steps to applying for seminary.

Unrest.

A similar type of unrest has come to me before. I used to dream about uniting the youth groups in Springdale for worship. I would lay in bed at night and dream how incredible it would be if we could get over our differences and unite together. Unite to make a difference. Unite to show students that the body of Christ is unique, but not separate. It was an exciting vision, but I remember thinking how scared I was that this was coming to me. What am I to do with this? How could I even begin to make this a reality the way I dreamed it? Yet as I begin to share this with other youth pastors it was like God was doing the same thing to them. Eventually, it came to happen. We joined together many youth groups for a night of worship and mission. Was it thousands of kids? No. But was it a beginning to something that God was doing in the city of Springdale? Yes. I played a small part in it, and it was the unrest that spurred me to action.

Unrest.

As I continue to think back on my experience in Venezuela, this unrest is coming back to me again. I want to jump into church ministry and make something happen. I want to bring a passion for allowing the Holy Spirit bring new revival. I dream of a kingdom minded people sold out for making the Good News in all aspects of our society known and present. As I'm writing my reflection paper for this class, I get excited and begin to dream. Dream about what God is doing and where I play a part in his incredible story.

Yet I feel a bit conflicted. I'm not leading a church. I'm a student in school preparing for the future. It's like I'm all jazzed up over a trip that is going to happen in 2 years from now. I can dream about it, and think about it, but ultimately I still have to wait until it's a reality.

I'm not great at waiting when this unrest comes. So I'm trying to consider what God is pushing me to do presently. That's my prayer: to know what to do NOW about this unrest.